A piece of heart, sprinkles of mind

I think I'm going to break my own promise, because I can't find the motivation to write about the rest of my experiences during ASEP 2017. It's certainly not because those memories are no longer precious, heck I wouldn't trade any of it for something else. It's a little bit complicated actually. You see, it's been almost a week since the program ended, and I was forced to separate from my beloved group members. Now I should be in the phase where I have put those wonderful memories neatly in my heart, and continue living my life (with all its duties and responsibilities ). Yet here I am, still reminiscing about all the times I've spent together with my new friends in Japan. Even my own group members seemed done with all these ASEP experiences. I don't know which is worse, me being overly sad and sullen all by myself, or the fact that I choose to be like that. It's like I don't want a future without them being a part of it, whereas that is ...

How do you keep memories from slipping away, when you barely remember the things that made you laughed as if the world was never a cruel place How do you hold on to something without overdoing it, when time insists on going just when you wanted it to freeze. How do you cherish things from the past, when the photographs started to look dull, and the emotions were no longer there. How do you miss someone without aching, when you know the feeling was always yours and never theirs. How do you flee in rhyme with the ever-changing life, when you find yourself inevitably rooted to ephemeral moments and when you did decide to leave everything behind, it makes you forgot the things you almost called home.

It's been a long time since I wrote on this blog, huh? To top it off, my posts were all very gloomy! Haha well, that's because I use this blog to write the things I can't tell my friends (which is mostly about my sadness) But you know what? I'm going to tell you something different now. Something that gave me so much happiness during my stay for the first time in Japan. To start with, I was lucky enough to be selected as one of Universitas Indonesia's delegates in Asian Students Environment Platform (ASEP) 2017 in Japan. It was an annual event held by AEON Environmental Foundation, and all of the accommodations are fully covered! (otherwise I wouldn't be able to afford it LOL). There are a total of 8 Asian countries who participated in this year's program, and they are Cambodia, China, Indonesia, Japan, Malaysia, South Korea, Thailand, and Vietnam, with Waseda as the host university. Thus, each participant is grouped with 7 other participants from diff...

She was too happy when people said their prayers and supports, Even though it's just several words and emoticons through a cyber dimension, all of it means a lot for her She was flattered when her friends who are far more inspiring than her take the time to greet her, And the fact that she was nothing compared to them doesn't seem to diminish the sincere encouragement She had promised herself to try her best for the sake of those people, No matter how impossible or how scary it might be, When the dreadful result was out, Her father said it was not her fault, Her teacher said that her performance was still good, Her important friend told her to keep being positive, Her classmates said that she was already great, and her best friends said it was okay. But she knows it's not okay at all, at least for her. She didn't want to break out the news to the people who is so proud of her, She didn't want to let them know how she didn't deserve all those pr...

She's such a hypocrite, She prepared herself for the worse, yet she broke down and cried when the truth is exactly like what she anticipated She's such a hypocrite, Smiling and being happy for those who triumph while signs of jealousy started to show up in her heart She's such a hypocrite, People ask her whether she's okay, and "okay" was what she said. Little did they know, she starts to cry whenever she's on her own She's such a hypocrite, Being grateful for having someone else to represent her major, But the voice deep down her heart kept saying, "Why can't I be the one?" She's such a hypocrite, She keep telling herself that she will never be worthy enough, Then at the same time, she is still comparing herself to others who are better than her She's such a hypocrite, She thinks that it would only be fair for things to turn out like this, Yet she keep trying to find something that could be at fault, That may...

She finally had the chance to start again, to determine what she wanted to be, what she would look like, and what would be her specialties. She was not too eager about it, but she tried anyway, because almost everyone that she knows did. The world had become much livelier compared to the last one, to the point that she couldn’t walk five steps without passing by another person. Other people might consider it as a good thing, yet it’s becoming too much for her. Similarly, she used to like showing up in front of her friends, doing something together in order to create memories to be reminisced in her old days. Nowadays, however, she is not like that. She didn’t bother to say hi, let alone to tag along with them. This might be because they were already ahead of her, and she didn’t feel like catching up. But for the most part, it was due to the void that exists within her melancholic heart. It must’ve been because she had no reason to be there, that the one person she wished to se...

You used to be part of my daily routine, When it's past 3 p.m, I used to wonder whether you'd logged in or not, When it's not the usual day, however, I'd wait until it was 7 in the evening Then, at 10 p.m, it's time for you to log out, because you usually has to work very early in the morning But hey, tomorrow is different! You didn't need to wake up early, so you can stay up late And it means that I get to spend my time with you, just a lil bit longer Did you know that whenever I knew you had an afternoon shift, I would make sure that I logged in early in the morning? Because seeing you is my favorite way to start the day And for every time I came home early, I would enter Rune Midgard as fast as I can to be able to talk to you, Even if I need to come back later on, I'd spent the whole afternoon with you as my company Of how I wish I could abandon my responsibilities instead, And while you never bothered to know my daily routines, I was sur...