Blabbering

I think I'm going to break my own promise, because I can't find the motivation to write about the rest of my experiences during ASEP 2017.

It's certainly not because those memories are no longer precious, heck I wouldn't trade any of it for something else.

It's a little bit complicated actually.

You see, it's been almost a week since the program ended, and I was forced to separate from my beloved group members. Now I should be in the phase where I have put those wonderful memories neatly in my heart, and continue living my life (with all its duties and responsibilities ). Yet here I am, still reminiscing about all the times I've spent together with my new friends in Japan. Even my own group members seemed done with all these ASEP experiences.

I don't know which is worse, me being overly sad and sullen all by myself, or the fact that I choose to be like that. It's like I don't want a future without them being a part of it, whereas that is exactly the thing that's about to unfold.

I don't know whether I'm in love with the people, the moments, the place, or all of it combined.

And it's also very sad to gradually learn that my group members don't share the same depth regarding our feelings. Maybe because it is my first time going abroad and to actually have friends from outside the country, or maybe it is always me who makes all of it complicated.

I was overly attached, easily and deeply. I'm having a hard time to let go of the things I shouldn't hold for too long. It's doing me no good yet I'm comfortable with it.

But it's not like I didn't try, you know. I tried so many times to distract myself. I hangout with my college friends several times already, I chat a lot with my UI for ASEP squad, I had quality time with my family members, I follow up the conference affairs, and I've even done some of my responsibilities for the upcoming semester.

I tried making myself occupied, but still.. at the end of the day I found myself checking up messenger and hoping that someone would start a conversation. An actual conversation, not the one where I do all the talking and the rest are only sending stickers.  

Oh, well. Poor me.

Comments

  1. Angela MonalisaAugust 17, 2017 at 10:30 AM

    Huaa Miri!!! :( Tapi ini jadi bikin gue sadar sesuatu mir hahaha unconsciously i was holding myself from having a deeper relationship with my group because i'm terribly bad at handling farewells. Probably that explains my lack of attachment (and post sadness?☺)

    You'll get it over with and find other people who have the share the same feelings, though! Jangaan sedih mir you have us consultants *hug hug hug*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MiriamAugust 17, 2017 at 10:49 AM

      Yaampun dibaca nana WKWKWK jadi maloee

      wah realization lo menarik tp sedih gitu ya :(
      "terribly bad at handling farewells" :") that's a nice way of putting it, huhu guenya emg lebay juga sih...

      iyaa ku sungguh senang berada di group consultant wkwkwk bisa menyalurkan kerecehan yg hqq...

      Tbh gue kira lo bakal komen lucu2 gitu kayak di IG WKWKWK yaampun thank you loh na for the in-depth support, means a lot! <3

      Delete

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